A Case of the “Shoulds” :: Jackson Street Studios

A Case of the “Shoulds”

If you’re reading this page, it’s probably because even though you haven’t been creating anything for a while and can’t figure out how to find the time or to get unstuck, you feel, somehow, like you should be able to get jump-started on your own and not have to seek outside help to get yourself creating again.

This feeling can be a combination of things:

Resistance:

This is really our fear making sure it maintains the comfortable familiarity of the status quo and no surprising changes sneak in the back door.

Fear can be very persuasive because it likes to pose as other things–like logic or reason: “what if you don’t get anything out of it?” “It sounds good, but it probably won’t tell me anything I don’t know already–I should just do it on my own. And since I’m not, maybe I don’t really want to anymore.”

Feeling Undeserving:

Spending money on your own needs and desires can often feel uncomfortable–that it’s being selfish or silly.

Even though you’re happy to spend money on the dreams and goals of your kids or spouse, you feel like you can’t justify spending it on yourself. “Who am I anyway,” you might think. “When’s the last time I even made anything?” You might even be starting to think even wanting to create is kind of self-indulgent or pointless–by trying to justify getting help using such harsh standards, you fall short. It’s then an easy leap to conclude you don’t deserve it.

Feeling Undisciplined:

Another version of being unworthy really.

Having notions of how “real artists” create work –uber-disciplined, filled with a fiery passion every day that cannot be squelched, sacrificing all for their art, etc., makes little room for you and your busy situation.

It’s the all familiar “suffering = goodness” puritan proposition our culture favors, and then belittling yourself for not behaving accordingly.

Like some stern parent, you tell yourself there will be no fun and fulfillment without your showing the proper willingness to suck it up. No dessert until you finished your vegetables.

None of this is fair or true or even remotely nice.

The Truth

Part of why we believe any or all of these ideas, is that we aren’t trained to take care of our own needs–in fact, we’re trained to do the opposite.

Taking a class or a workshop or heaven forbid, getting personal coaching, can bring up all kinds of concerns about needing too much attention, being extravagant with money, not having what it takes, being unworthy.

But what taking a workshop or getting coaching for your creativity is really doing is showing a commitment to yourself.

This is no small thing because, strange as it may seem at times, it’s actually easier to commit to others than it is to ourselves.

But frankly, always believing that you’re not worthy just sucks. It’s a tiring, depleting belief that simply isn’t true.

Happily, the sneaky wonderful part of committing to yourself and your own happiness is that it actually makes more room for honoring the needs of others (like your kids and spouse) in a more expanded way.

So the part of you who thinks you’re being selfish for focusing on your own needs is going to SO relieved to experience this fabulous side benefit!

Therefore, if you consider that honoring this essential part of yourself is not taking something away from the people you love, but actually creates a healthier dimension to your relationships, then committing to your creative dreams and goals starts to seem like a necessity.

Besides, it’s good for your family to know and respect this side of you–it’s a big part of who you are.

In addition, it’s also a great counterweight to your workday–rather than feel like all your best energy goes to your job and then the rest of your day to recovering from it–creating art or crafting gives you back more control of your time and returns your life to yourself.

And finally, if you’ve gone a long time without really creating anything, it’s easy to think it just doesn’t matter anyway–why bother? you think. “I’ve gone this long not making anything, it doesn’t really matter anyway.”

If it didn’t matter, you wouldn’t be here at this site reading this page.

It matters because being creative is an essential part of who you are.

You don’t have to make a living making art for your art making to matter.

Read that sentence again.

This is your life in all it’s uniqueness. I think you’re here to fully realize who you are and to bring your particular gifts and creativity to the world.

As Martha Graham said, “It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open.”